More Than All The Stars In The Sky...

   Friendship.  It is a powerful, beautiful, delicate, and sometimes painful thing.  True friends are like family.  Sometimes you cherish some friends more than you do some family...at least I do.  I realize how horrible that sounds, but it's the truth. I should clarify this by saying I am not talking about my immediate family.  They are hands down the MOST important people in my life.  Ever.
   When things happen that test the strength of your friendships, you find out exactly how much that person means to you.  You realize what that relationship is made of...or what it's not.  Recently I have had a couple of friendships tested.  (One not really tested...it was more of a fallout from what happened with the other person...)  Both of these people are very special to me, and I can't imagine my life without them in it.
   I have come to see that no matter what the one person does or says, I will always be here.  I have always said that.  But now I can honestly say that I have now found out how true that statement is.  Good and bad, happy and sad...I will still be here.  That's what you do when you care about someone.  And I care.  Some people may not understand why or how...but that is ok.  It is not meant for them to understand.  I just do, and that is all that matters.  Because when it comes to these friendships, I love them more than all the stars in the sky.  I always will.

The Ties That Bind

   Have you ever thought about the people in your life (friends, family, significant other, acquaintances, etc.) and wondered "Why in the world do I even try to make this relationship work?"  I have.  I have wondered that about family, friends, and my significant other.  Not that I'm proud of that fact.  I'm not.  It's just the truth.  I try to be a good person to everyone in my life, but I have found myself, on occasion, giving up.  Not caring anymore...and for me, that does not happen often.
   I realize that every relationship has some sort of ties that bind us to that other person.  Some of them may be relatively small, while others are huge.  Some are things that everyone knows about, and others remain a painful (or sometimes wonderful) secret between you and that person.  Whatever the case, when you are breaking the ties in that relationship it's painful.  Which brings me to my next question..."If it causes so much pain, why do we delay the inevitable?"  Is it because we are scared of the loss, or is it because we like the pain?  I think it may be a little of both.  And maybe because we feel like we deserve the pain that it brings.
   I think for me it is because I feel like I deserve it, and for some reason, I like the pain a little.  Maybe because the pain reminds me that life is too short to be unhappy.  It lights a fire so to speak.  I honestly have no idea. 
   Whatever the reason, I know there are some ties that need to be broken, no matter how much I feel bound by them.  As the saying goes, "Sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest way of saying I love you."  I think it is time for some goodbyes in my life...

Life Lessons Part One

   So the past few days have been absolutely horrible.  That being said, I have learned a lot of life lessons...painful ones to be quite honest.  Why is it that it often takes something bad or tragic to teach us such lessons?  The events of the past few days, yesterday in particular, have made me do a lot of thinking and soul searching.  I have come to the conclusion that there are changes that need to occur in my life right now.  
   Some of the changes are minor, while others are not.  Some will hurt, and others will not.  All of these changes will be for the better though.  I recognize now that there are certain things about myself that I am not happy with.  For example:  The way I deal with stress.  I go about that completely wrong.  While I am comfortable in my own skin, I am not a talker. (Insert sarcastic comment here...I talk, ALOT...just not about things that cause stress in my life.)  I have this bad tendency to hold it all in.  Eventually I reach my breaking point, as we all do.  However, when I get to that point, things tend to get bad.  Self- destructive if you will.  That stops NOW.  Never again.  Why?  Because it almost cost me one of the friendships I hold dearest to my heart. 
   Another change that needs to happen?  The restoration of friendships that have gone wayward.  This bothers me.  I mean, I should really get the Friend of The Year award.  I have neglected friends and family recently, and there is really no excuse for that.  I have always tried to surround myself with people I love and who love me.  But there are a couple right now who just bring me down.  That stops too.  Cutting ties.  I am going to start loving the friends that I have been so wrong for neglecting.
   I have simply not been myself lately and I hate who I have become.  I have always been a pretty simple person.  But it seems that my life has gotten a little complicated lately.  Thus leaving me feeling a complicated simpleness...I am ready to get back to just being simple.  I am ready to get back to me.  So, here goes nothing...:)