I realize that I have not blogged in a while. I have a lot on my mind and I am not quite sure where to start, so here it goes...
Today I have been thinking a lot about faith. I think that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best when he said "Faith is taking the first step, even when you do not see the whole staircase". It is often very hard to have faith in something that you can't see. I have been asked how I continue to have faith when life has handed me circumstances that have completely sucked the life right out of me.
The truth is, I haven't always had faith. It's true...life has handed me some serious curve balls. And when that happened, I lost faith in all of mankind. I became angry at God. I stopped attending church, became irritated with those who encouraged me to attend, and I was consumed with self doubt and self hate. At the time I had no idea what kept me going.
I remember attending a new church for the first time (in hopes that the person who had invited me would leave me alone about going). I was sitting in the congregation of Peachtree Community Church when God starting speaking to me so loudly that I became completely overwhelmed. I have NO idea what the pastor preached on that Sunday, and when the service was over, I felt like I could not move. He had started an awakening in me that I could never have imagined. That was the day it became clear to me. When life had left me feeling like I had no hope, I walked out on God. I completely gave up. Then I realized that even thought I had walked out on Him, He had never left my side. He had been waiting for me to return to Him.
It is true, my life has not been the way I had planned. The way I had hoped and dreamed that it would. But my life has been one filled with love, happiness, and joy. That overshadows the sadness and sorrow. I would not trade my place in this world with anyone else. Even the painful times...times that have now been left in the past. Because that is what has made me who I am today. It is what has gotten me to this point. My starting point.
Things are starting to happen that leave me full of excitement. I also
have a little bit of fear. But where I have fear, I must also have
faith. I have to have faith in a faithless world.
