My Pursuit Of Solitude...

As you know, I will usually not post anything about politics, religion, or otherwise.  Today is an exception...

   Yesterday, Pastor Jeremy Green (Edge Point Church) preached a very powerful sermon.  It was about seeking solitude with God.  One of the points he made; and the point that was the most powerful for me, was this:  "You should pursue solitude with God, not because He demands it, but because He deserves it."  I have to say, I used to be a lot better at this.
   The past few months I have not sought out a relationship with God the way that I used to.  I used to have time in solitude with God daily.  But I found myself surrounded by people and in situations that made me neglect that relationship.  The most important relationship of all was ignored because I chose to focus on the one that turned out to be the worst thing for me. 
   And because of my blatant disobedience I payed the price (as I should have).  But thankfully, God has since completely removed the person from my life, and has guided me back onto the path He has chosen for me.
   This evening as I was cutting my grass it became so clear to me.  For so long, I denied the closeness that He deserves.  I made choices that He clearly told me not to.  However, once I listened, and He was able to remove the person who brought me down (in more ways than one), He started to show me His ultimate plan for my life.
   He brought me closer to my family.  He brought me into a church who loves its people.  He introduced me to friends who will not only build me up, but will walk with me in my journey through life.  And the greatest gift of all, He put the one I am supposed to be with in my life.  He showed me how it is supposed to be to share your life with the right person.  When I had decided I wanted nothing to do with the dating world anymore, He said... Just wait, I have one made specifically for you.  And He did. 
   I realized this evening, that when we continuously pursue our solitude with God, He will continuously send blessings our way and pour into us, the way we pour into Him.  My God is a God of extreme grace.  And because of that grace, I am here.  Realizing the grace my God has for me, makes me want to do only things He will be proud of.  Sure, I know I will fall short every single day.  But I also know that in the end, He will pick me up and brush me off.  And I will keep on going.

Shattered Dreams And Broken Promises...

   As we go through life we will encounter dreams that do not come to fruition, and promises that will be broken.  How we handle those situations is entirely up to us.  We can be a baby about it, run from it, or put on our big girl panties and deal with it.  I prefer the latter. 
   With this being said, no matter how much time passes, or how much older we get... it doesn't get any easier.  I choose to surround myself with people who love me, support me, and push me to be the best me I can be.  This makes a lot of difference when you watch your dreams shatter around you.
   Then, one day you wake up and realize you have different dreams and new promises.  And then you realize that the people you have in your life who have made these promises will never break them.  Not only will they keep their promises, they will help you build new dreams.  Bigger than you could have ever imagined.  And that is love.

Pieces Of Me...

   I have been using the past few days to reflect on my life.  What I have experienced, what I have yet to experience.  What I can't wait to see come to fruition, what I wish I had never been through.  And I have found that some of this has surprised me. 
   I am grateful for every life experience I have had thus far, because; in the end, it has led me to who/where I am today.  It has not always been pretty.  It has not always been fun.  But it has always been real. 
   I know that I have become numb to certain feelings, and certain things in my life.  Some people have said I am a little jaded...I prefer to say realistic.  ;)  However, as of late, I am wondering if maybe I will be able to come back around and experience these things again...to feel again.  And I have to say I really think that I will.
   Some of my life experiences I have talked about.  Some I have told a select few, and will probably never post about them.  Who knows, maybe one day I will be brave enough to do a post about them.  But suffice it to say, I had a rough time for a little while.
   Trust is a HUGE deal to me.  I have been proven time and time again that trust is broken.  In the worst ways.  I have always known that my happiness can never depend on other people.  But when a trust is broken, it so hard to recover.  And then you add that trust being broken multiple times by the same person, and then by different people...it sometimes seems that recovery is virtually impossible.  People do and say things that you would NEVER imagine them doing or saying.  Sometimes they say things they don't mean (as in I love you), and when that happens, that hurts too.  Actually that one probably hurts the most.  By then, it is just simply too late.  When you encounter this several times during the span of several years, you become numb. 
   So I have been going through life, in a way, numb.  And when you least expect it, things begin to happen, and someone comes into your life who shows you that the numbness does not have to be a forever thing.  Eventually, without even knowing it, they have started to take the pieces of me and are helping them become whole again.  And that feels great.  :)

Throughout All Of The Darkness And Sadness, Soon Comes Happiness...

   If there is one thing I have learned in life, it is to not give up.  There have been so many times throughout my journey where it would have been soooo much easier to just throw in the towel... wave my white flag.  I have been blessed with people who, when I wanted to give up, would not let me.  They reminded me of who I am and where I come from. 
   I may not be the prettiest girl in the world.  I don't have a lot to offer.  My life is not always beautiful.  But everything about me is real.  I have never and will never promise to be anything or anyone I'm not.
   I have some of the best friends a girl could ever hope to have.  I have THE best family anyone could ever ask for. These are the people I choose to surround myself with.  These are the people who keep me grounded and in line.  They give kindness when needed, and they give a good butt kicking when needed as well.  No matter which one the day calls for, they love me at all times. 
   I have seen people walk in my life, and then turn around and walk right back out.  And to them I say "Good riddance."  I have had people who have said and done some horrible things to me.  To them I say "Thank you."  Good riddance and thank you because for all of the darkness and the sadness you brought into my life, I have found ten times the happiness. 
   The lesson in all of this, is no matter how much darkness and sadness you encounter, don't give up.  There is something so much better in store.  And that is when you realize that life does not get any better than this.